Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Trying to Fix Others' So-Called Flaws

I have spent too much time on "what is wrong with the world." Or with people. Or with myself.

Living the mindful life dissolves this conversation. It's about accepting what is rather than judging everything as "okay" or "not okay" in my petty understanding of the universe.

This goes for how I treat other human beings, and how I treat myself.

There are times when my weaknesses seem so glaring. I want to fix them. Or outright reject them. I want to reject me.

"Ohmygosh, Christi! You are disorganized! You are overcommitted! You are scattered and flaky! You are way too unpredictable! You are shy at the wrong times, and a loudmouth when you're not being shy! Can't you be normal?" The litany goes on.

But then I remember, my real problem isn't the current weakness I'm perceiving. My real problem is my lack of acceptance.


I turn things around when I start talking to myself differently.

I can replace the above commentary with something like this:

"I accept you, Christi! With all your multi-facetedness! With your enthusiasm! With your divergent thinking! You are full of surprises! You are versatile, with a flexible approach and interest in many things, which makes you unique. You are exactly the way you need to be." 

What a difference!

The same goes for the way I treat others. I can see them as flawed, or let the power of love show me their perfection.

More and more, we humans are finding out that what we once thought "wrong" or "abnormal" is merely a different way of being, valid and beautiful.

Andrew Solomon highlights the power of acceptance in a moving way with the following Ted Talk.

Catching a Glimpse

Weaving through fog in a trench coat

at a train station in the late hours of night

mysterious divine

stranger god, a profile in shadow

with your collar turned up

walking cool and slow

a pigeon feather

from the last flight of fall

as you turn

and your breath billows

and then, oh

you are heading this way

What's Going on Inside You? Accept It.

These words saved my life fifteen years ago when I was going through a dark time. Lately, some of the old pain has resurfaced, and I've found myself battling issues I thought I'd outgrown. I'm returning to this passage from Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet.

Think, dear Sir, of the world that you carry inside you, and call this thinking whatever you want to: a remembering of your childhood or a yearning toward a future of your own--only be attentive to what is arising within you, and place that above everything that you perceive around you. What is happening in your innermost self is worthy of your entire love . . . . 

When we're in emotional pain, the last thing we feel like doing is paying attention to our innermost self. We want to run away to someone or something. We'll visit an addiction that gives us a temporary feel-better fix. Or, we'll make judgments about how wrong we are, how full of mistakes and problems.

Being attentive to what is within you doesn't mean judging. It's not good or bad. It just is. 

What I understand, this time around, is that when my psyche and emotions are shivering with pain, I have to slow down and hold still. This is so very uncomfortable. Yet I've learned by experience that a blossoming is on the way.

I need to sit tight with who I am and what I feel. I can watch it all unfold, even as I'm bewildered and impatient. Holding everything with acceptance . . . and love.

Never Too Late . . . to Be

 

There is "turning over a new leaf" but there is also discovering who you really were all along. This can take a lifetime, or it can take a moment; it is worth everything. 

The Real Moment

 

"The real moment of success is not the moment apparent to the crowd."

 --George Bernard Shaw

Others won't see my most successful moments: when I have quieted my critical mind, or when I have yielded to the call to create, or when I am bravely choosing to celebrate my true self. This is all right with me. This is a fine and good thing. Even if I am too small to be noticed, I am full of joy. 

[Photo: balsamroot atop Dog Mountain, 2013]

Please Stay

So, I've been going through some emotional upheaval. Here is what God had to say about it.

Dear Christi:

Don’t go. Don’t run away from my presence in this moment. Don’t rush into doing, trying, making, striving. Sure, it hurts to hold still and feel everything. There is no place to hide from your pain, and all the things you have lost, and all the things you long for. But there is love right here, too. I am right here. Please stay.

Love,

God

Photo by Christi Krug

On the Lookout for Wonder

"Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder." --E.B. White

I snapped this shot hiking San Juan island, lost in the wonder of exploration. It reminds me to keep watch: at any moment, I can find the Presence of the wonderful, whether I'm on a trail or learning to navigate my own soul.